first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
