Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
