Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
