I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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