he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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