I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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