fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
