my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
