my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
