i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize