Buhtt sex?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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