u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
