i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
