vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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