Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
