I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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