from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
