All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
