why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
