That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
