dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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