guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
True but thats because hes a fetus.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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