garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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