So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Please don't give away my fajitas
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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