I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just pee around me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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