so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
