are you still at the devil's house?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
