Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
