so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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