Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize