are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
