wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
