so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
