did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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