I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
