hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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