Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize
