remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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