Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
