My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
