I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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