all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize