i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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