I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
