The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize