I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
