a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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