you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
