"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We have so much sex to catch up on
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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