So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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