i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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