To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
