apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
