I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
