When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
