I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize