Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
