man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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