I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
