Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
