Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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