Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
