I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize