Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
