how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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