no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize