I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
