Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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