The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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