i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
