i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Im part way to drunk.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
