Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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