so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
