You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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