So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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