I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
BRING THE BAGELS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
