we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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