I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
