When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
