There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
FUCK WHALES
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
