Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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