Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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