I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Terrible idea I love it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
