butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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