It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
