using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
