someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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