also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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