I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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