Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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