Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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