can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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