You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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