Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
