Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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