you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
