Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
