People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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