You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
