paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
