I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Found your dick twin last night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
