I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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