We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
